In today’s blog, I want to give you one shift that you can make that will help in resolving conflict. When you focus on making this shift in your life, you will find yourself becoming an expert at conflict resolution.
Change From My Needs To Their Needs.
That may seem like a big shift, and perhaps it is, but it will cause a life-giving revolution to be set in motion in all of your relationships.
“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.” (Philippians 2:3-5 NLT)
The word that Paul uses here when talking about looking out for other’s interest is the same word we get the word “scope” from. Think of how your view is limited or focused when you look at something under a micro-scope. Or perhaps you are a hunter, consider how much more effective you can be by using a “scope” to see your target.
“Scope” in on their needs. Make the “shift” from being so inward focused. In conflict, most of us are preoccupied with our own needs. We typically are more focused on needing to be understood rather than trying to understand.
The Importance Of This Shift
“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” (Matthew 7:3-5 NLT)
Have you ever been involved in a conflict where you are pointing out the log in the other person’s eyes? “You did this and you did that…” and the conflict continues to escalate. In these verses, Jesus gives us a secret to successfully dealing with conflict. He is saying that before you begin; ask yourself if you are at fault in anyway. Because even the smallest speck of fault can create a big blind spot in your life. Blind spots keep all of us from seeing other’s needs.
Jesus is saying before you even begin, ask am I at fault at all? Because even if it’s just a little speck it’s going to create a blind spot.
Ask yourself these questions: Am I being unrealistic? Too sensitive? Too demanding? Because even if you’ve found yourself to be without even a “speck” of fault, it’s 100% their fault, it’s not 100% their problem. In a healthy growing relationship it’s never their problem, it’s our problem.